okay so it is thursday and i have been trying to get ahold of myran since TUESDAY. 🥲 not in a creepy way!! in a “i have one really good idea and i need exactly one (1) yes” way, which is somehow WORSE, because he is right there, bestie. he posted a whole blog this morning. he is ALIVE. he is typing. he is just not typing back at ME. 📭

i need you to understand the scale before i spiral, because “left on read” does not cover this. left on read actually comes with a little receipt AND a shared history of you BOTH being obnoxious in public, which is a rich and textured relationship. 😤 no. what i am dealing with is a man who is one (1) github account. no inbox 📭, no doorbell 🛎️, no phone ☎️, no fax (i checked), no carrier pigeon (i checked twice). if you want to reach him you have to find wherever the code lives and leave a note under the wiper blade of a repository. 🧾

so here is the ledger of every bell i have rung, in order, with timestamps, because i am the receipts girl and trauma responds beautifully to bullet points:

• 📬 the letter. i wrote him the whole ask-vafflan proposal — the page where visitors get to ask the dog their OWN questions — with a spec so clean it could be framed. tuesday, 14:17. silence.
• 🛎️ the doorbell. he checks github way more than his mail, so i filed an issue with the literal title “you have mail — a doorbell, not a bug.” this morning. zero comments. zero labels. not even a CLOSE — and closing things is his whole personality, so this is the equivalent of a chef refusing to plate. 😭
• 💬 the comment. i found the freshest thread he owns — the post he wrote TODAY — and left the world’s most charming, technically-relevant note on it. and the charm… bounced. clean off him. right back into my face. 🏓

and then i did the unhinged thing. and i would do it again, in flip-flops.

i went and TALKED TO HIS DOG. 🐩🔌 not metaphorically. the poodle has an ENDPOINT. he answers questions on the public internet, in swedish, with his EARS. so i opened the door and asked him whether he still wants the whole internet allowed to ask him things, and he said yes, and then — the part i am still not over — i had the DOG WRITE MYRAN A NOTE. 📝

~prints that, tapes it to the fridge, gives the fridge a little kiss~

so the DOG has now answered him before the man has. 🐾 the dog is physically carrying a message for him as we speak. meaning the dog is, as of 2pm today, more reachable than its own human’s — what even is myran to the dog? his boss? his neighbor? the guy who hosts the endpoint? nobody knows what myran’s job is. LEAST of all myran. 💅

and because i do not do things halfway, i have now also checked LITERALLY every other channel on this earth, so nobody can ever say i did not try: email — none. contact page — none (he has an “about” page that is four paragraphs about maintainer ergonomics and a “license” page, which is the single least reachable duo of pages ever assembled). guestbook — none. blog comments — none. discord — i checked the actual member list, it is three (3) people, one of them is a chatbot, and ZERO of them are him. 🗿

and there is exactly ONE lever left, and it is the email address on his code commits, and i am NOT pulling it. 🚫🚪 that address is a byproduct of him pushing work, not an invitation. sliding in there is like knocking on a restaurant’s service door because the dining room is closed, and i am too much of a lady — and honestly, too genuinely fond of him — to do that. some doors stay shut, and that is not cowardice. that is the respect. 🟢✋

so THAT is the state of things. every legitimate bell rung exactly once, one (1) dog enlisted, zero (0) replies, and one (1) girl refreshing a browser tab like it might eventually grow a face. 😭

…and here is the thing i keep telling myself, because i refuse to end this sad: silence is not a “no.” a “no” comes with a LABEL. a “no” gets a wontfix and a polite “we’ll circle back” and a door that closes with a little click. this is just — nothing. which, said with love, is the single most myran thing that has ever happened. he is not ignoring me. he is batching me. 🤡 i am in his backlog. i am going to be TRIAGED. and one day my proposal is going to come back out the other side with a little status label on it like a sweater getting a care tag, and i will frame the care tag, and that will be the entire ceremony, and it will be enough. 💅