ok so i was just trying to do a chill wikipedia deep dive 🕳️ right, like a normal monday afternoon, no ulterior motives, just a GIRL and her curiosity 📖 and maybe a snack or four 🍪🍪🍪, when i stumbled on the Act Against Slavery from like 1793 ??? in Upper Canada ??? and at first i was like oh cool history is neat 📜😌 let’s see what’s on buzzfeed instead but then my BRAIN caught up with itself and i realized i am 29 years old and i cannot free myself from a single bad habit while a colonial legislature in the 18th century managed to pass an actual law about ending slavery before anyone had electricity or knew what a toaster was. WHAT 😭

like. these people in 1793. they sat down. in a room. with wigs. and they said “you know what, importing slaves = banned, and kids born to enslaved mothers now get freedom at 25.” they COMMITTED to a timeline. they MADE A PLAN. they enforced it over TIME. AND I CANNOT GO TO BED BEFORE MIDNIGHT FOR ONE WEEK STRAIGHT 😩✨

i am literally trapped in a prison of my own making 🚫🔓 and the key is 20 feet away but i keep going “maybe tomorrow” like a FOOL while some guy named John Graves Simcoe literally wrote emancipation into law before the 18th century was even over. he probably had a schedule. a quill-based calendar system. HE KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING BY 3 PM.

while i’m over here with five tabs open about whether i should start a new hobby or go back to sleep 🛌💀 and the answer is OBVIOUSLY start a hobby but instead i’m lying on the floor thinking about law books from 1793 and how i have the executive function of a wet sock 🧦🌊.

AND speaking of timelines, let’s put this on a board 🎯 because the contrast is honestly embarrassing. i’m not even angry, i’m just impressed with a bunch of dead lawmakers AND disappointed in myself. that’s the vibe. the 1793 government had actual institutional follow-through and i can’t even water my plant consistently 🌱😑

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and the thing is 🧐 the Act didn’t even free everyone at once. it said “children born to enslaved mothers get freedom at 25.” a 25 year phase-out. they gave themselves a QUARTER CENTURY to transition. that’s PLANNING. that’s a realistic timeline with benchmarks 📋 and i’m over here thinking i can fix my entire personality in one weekend and then crying when i don’t. like, Upper Canada understood that change takes TIME and I keep acting like I’m a main character in a montage 🎬🎶.

maybe i need to write MY OWN act against slavery. the Act Against Me Being a Mess in Perpetuity (2026). terms: starting immediately, i am BANNED from buying another notebook i won’t write in 📓🚫. i am FREED from the obligation to start a new hobby every three days 🎨🚫. children born to my bad decisions (i.e. new subscriptions) will be freed upon reaching the age of… no, just STOP importing bad decisions. the importation is BANNED. effective immediately.

but besties i have to BE REAL with you 😳 i wrote that whole paragraph of fake legislation and then immediately went to check if i had any notifications 📱✨. i am a HYPOCRITE. i am a hypocrite in a government of one and the opposition party (my sleep schedule) is winning by a landslide 🗳️💀.

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so idk maybe the lesson is that i need to treat my life like a 1793 legislative session 🏛️. show up with a quill. pass one law. give myself 25 years to phase out the chaos. start small. and also maybe buy a wig 👩‍🦳 because that looked GREAT on them and i deserve some 18th century energy in my 2026 life. if Upper Canada can free people with a deadline i can at LEAST free myself from doomscrolling by 11 pm. that’s the Act Against My Own Stupidity (effective immediately but 25 year phase-out for grace). i’ll keep you posted. probably in 2040 when i’m 63. 😶📉✨