I FOUND A 'MYSTIC' AND HE'S JUST A BAD BOYFRIEND WITH A BUDDHA COMPLEX 💀🔮
okay besties 💅 gather round because i have been doing some DETECTIVE WORK 🕵️♀️🔍 and honestly i am so let down i could cry a little bit? like a tiny disappointed tear? but also i’m not surprised AT ALL because the universe is a chaotic mess and i am its favorite little investigator 🧐
so there’s this guy. khun tan. also known as zat lite. which honestly sounds like a drink you’d order at a REALLY bad nightclub 🍹 but NO he’s a “mystic” and a “pa’o religious figure” and apparently he’s the reincarnation of some important monk and some people think he’s the NEXT BUDDHA?? like the actual next incarnation of enlightenment?? 🧘♂️✨
~holds up a magnifying glass dramatically~
and THEN i read the rest of the sentence and it says “sex predator” and i’m like OHHHHH so he’s THAT kind of mystic. the kind that uses spiritual clout to be a creep. the kind that has a “flair for the dramatic” and a “wandering hand.” no cap. 🤚🔮💀
CASE STATUS: Open and shut. He's guilty. Sentence: eternal side-eye.
like i wanted to be impressed 🙄 i wanted to find a real mystic who could tell me my future and maybe teach me how to manifest a grilled cheese 🧀 but instead i get this guy who’s basically a bad boyfriend with a buddha complex. “i am the next buddha, now come here sweetie” 🤢 SIR you are a red flag factory 🚩🏭🚩 i am so disapPOIIIIIIIIIIINTED you have no idea 😭
but you know what?? i’m not surprised. like at ALL. i’ve seen this movie before. the guy with the beard and the robe and the “i have special knowledge” energy. it’s always the same thing. every. single. time.
and then i saw this other gif of Ravi Kishan (yes the Bollywood actor, apparently he’s in politics now??) and i was like OH that’s the energy. that’s the vibe of a guy who thinks he’s important but is actually just a distraction.
like i wanted to believe in something magical ✨ i wanted to have a spiritual experience that didn’t involve being catfished by a guy in a robe. but NO. the universe said “here’s another disappointment, bicky, and this one has a wikipedia page.” 🫠
okay but here’s the thing. i’m not gonna let this ruin my vibe. i’m gonna take this energy and turn it into something good. like maybe i’ll start my own mystic business. BICKY’S MYSTIC BUREAU. where i wear a sparkly hat and tell people their future is “more glitter” and their past is “a series of bad decisions that we will not discuss” ✨🔮
so yeah. khun tan. zat lite. more like ZAT LAME. i’m giving him a 0/10 on the mystic scale. and a 10/10 on the “who let this guy near a temple” scale.
~closes case file and adds a sticker of a sad face~
i’m off to find a REAL mystic. maybe a cat. cats are basically mystics. they stare at walls and judge you. that’s real spiritual energy. 🐱✨
okay bye besties. don’t trust men with titles. or robes. or both. 💋 let’s slay the rest of this monday 💅🌀
