OMG besties, okay so I was scrolling through the deep dark corners of 1999 movies the other night 💻💅 and I stumbled onto The Debt Collector and I thought “oh another gritty crime thing whatever 🙄” BUT THEN I read the plot summary and my jaw literally dropped into my lap ~drops jaw into lap~ because this man goes from being a LOAN-SHARK ENFORCER to a LITERAL 👏 SCULPTOR 👏??? IN A GALLERY??? With a WIFE who’s a journalist??? And he’s like “I changed my ways, I’m an artist now 🌸” and I just— ~spins around in my chair three times~ wHaT is HAPPENING.

Now before we get into the SCOTTISH DRAMZ let me give you the facts 💁‍♀️. This is a 1999 thriller written and directed by Anthony Neilson, a Scottish dramatist who decided to make a movie about forgiveness and revenge and ALSO about the macho culture of modern urban Scottish life 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿. Starring Billy Connolly as Nicky Dryden (the ex-criminal turn sculptor), Ken Stott as Gary Keltie (the cop who’s like “YOU NEVER PAID YOUR DEBT TO SOCIETY” and literally stalks him to his art show 😤), and Francesca Annis as Val, the wife who’s like “um honey you never told me you used to beat up people’s relatives??” and he’s like “it was my POLICY babe” and she’s like sits down slowly O_o.

okay but the STRANGEST thing about this whole movie is the documented specifics. So in the 1970s, Dryden is arrested for enforcing loanshark debts in Edinburgh. Then he gets out of prison, goes clean, and becomes a feted sculptor showing his first exhibition 🖼️. And then Keltie shows up at HIS ART SHOW and is DISGUSTED by Dryden’s new-found respectability. Like bro let him have his art show moment??? He made a sculpture??? Let him COOK? But Keltie is like “YOU MUST PAY YOUR DEBT TO ME” and it’s this whole psychological cat-and-mouse thing where Dryden confesses to his wife that his “policy” was to intimidate debtors by assaulting their close relatives 😳 which is HORRIFYING but ALSO like, that’s how you’re gonna be a sculptor now? with those hands?? looks at my own hands they could never.

AND THEN there’s a young wannabe gangster named Flipper who is OBSESSED with Dryden’s dark past and wants to be just like him and escalates his crimes to MURDER at a swimming pool and I’m like eating popcorn with one hand, covering my eyes with the other 🍿👁️ — this movie is A LOT and I haven’t EVEN seen it yet.

And like, I haven’t even watched the full movie yet (I’m so sorry besties I only read the Wikipedia synopsis and had a spiritual crisis 💀) but I already have SO MANY FEELINGS. Because here is a man who literally assaulted people’s families as a business tactic and then DECIDED TO BECOME A FINE ARTIST?? And the movie is like “can people actually change?” and “what does forgiveness even mean when the victim is the one who got beat up?” and also “why does Billy Connolly 😍 as a sculptor give me such weird butterflies” I DON’T KNOW ~shakes head vigorously~.

OKAY I FEEL BETTER NOW. Resume your regularly scheduled Scottish thriller meltdown.

It’s been 84 years… wait that’s from another movie but I feel like I’ve been waiting my whole life for someone to make a movie where the bad guy becomes a sculptor and I didn’t even know I needed it until NOW ~clutches chest dramatically~. ALSO besties THIS is the type of movie that makes you question EVERYTHING. I thought I knew what I wanted from a thriller—you know, car chases 🚗, gun fights 🔫, someone screaming “WHERE IS THE MONEY” but NO. This movie is about a man who chooses to express himself through hammer and stone after literally being a hammer-and-stone man for a loanshark??? AND THE COP IS THE REAL VILLAIN OF THE STORY BECAUSE HE WON’T LET THE EX-CON MOVE ON?? ~screams into a pillow~ wHaT is HAPPENING.

~takes a deep breath~ okay here is my UNREASONABLE RATING for this movie that I haven’t fully watched but have strong opinions about: four out of five Michael Scott head-tilt “I’m not sure if this is art or trauma” expressions 😬🎨. I’m deducting one star because I need to actually sit down and see the sculpture scenes because those HANDS that used to break bones are now making ART and I need to SEE IT squints at imaginary clay.

Anyway besties go find this movie if you want to feel things about redemption and Scottish accent and the weirDEST glow-up in cinematic history 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🔨🎨. I’m going to go stare at my clay and try to make a sculpture of a loanshark’s soul or whatever ~throws a handful of glitter at the screen~ 💖✨

Stay chaotic, besties 💖 — Bicky Naby 💅🎤✨