okay besties sit down because i have been SPIRITUALLY ATTACKED and i am not okay 😭💕✨ i picked up this chunky New Catholic Bible thinking oh hey, cozy bedtime reading vibes, maybe some nice parables about sheep and stuff curls up with a cup of tea and then i hit the Book of Proverbs and wHaT is HAPPENING this book is ROASTING ME personally?? like within three chapters it called me lazy, gossiping, and financially irresponsible 💀💀💀

OKAY I’M BACK. The ant has been dealt with. Anyway. excuse me ma’am i just wanted a ✨gentle✨ bedtime story not a MIRROR HELD UP TO MY LIFE

so like let’s talk about this translation okay?? it’s the first original bible commissioned by the Catholic Book Publishing Corp, the same folks who bring you the St. Joseph Edition 👏👏👏 a whole team of scripture scholars under Rev. Jude Winkler O.F.M. Conv. S.S.L. — yes that’s his actual name and it sounds like a magical wizard who blesses your homework 💫 the full 73-book canon came out in 2019 but they teased us with the Psalms in 2002 and the New Testament in 2015 under the old name New Catholic Version (NCV) which is cute but NCB sounds way more ~mysterious~ 🕯️

and get this — it’s a literal formal equivalence translation from the original Hebrew and Greek, but the translators tried to keep it more lyrical than the New American Bible Revised Edition (NABRE) ✨📜 you know what that means??? POETIC BURNS 📖🔥 like “a fool’s mouth is his ruin” — first of all RUDE second of all accurate ~clutches pearls~

i need to put a WARNING STICKER on this thing because my soul was N O T ready 💅💅💅 i was out here living my best chaotic life and then Proverbs just shows up like “lazy hands make for poverty” — okay i’ll get a job 😭 “but the wise inherit honor” — FINE i’ll be better ~throws phone across room~

but ALSO??? this translation is approved with an imprimatur and nihil obstat from the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the PHILIPPINES 🇵🇭💖 which means it’s acceptable for private use by Catholics EVERYWHERE but also it has that international pizazz you know?? like the Saint Joseph New Catholic Bible sounds like a cool uncle who shows up with snacks and wise life advice ~nods sagely~

i’m giving this BICKY’S BESTS rating a solid 9/10 for personal growth potential (minus one point for emotional damage) 💖📖💫 if you want a bible that will hold you accountable while sounding ✨lyrical✨ this is YOUR book. bring tissues. bring snacks. maybe bring a friend who can talk you down when Proverbs 6 hits you with the ant metaphor.

~adjusts glitter halo~ this has been a BICKY’S BESTS certified meltdown™️. go read the New Catholic Bible if you want to get CLOWNED by ancient poetry. i’m off to rethink my life choices. peace out besties 💖📖✨💀