OMG BESTIES we need to talk about Tabiry because she just ascended in my brain like a full solar flare of queen energy 🌞💅 and I am NOT okay. Like, imagine being so iconic that you just casually rule TWO entire kingdoms at once?? Nubia and Egypt?? That’s not a flex, that’s a full-body slay with a side of historical chaos 🏺💥 and I am here for it.

~dramatically flips my bedazzled history textbook to a random page~

I was today years old when I realized that being a queen consort isn’t just about looking flawless in a headdress (though, same, Tabiry, same)—it’s about multitasking on a level that makes my attempt to eat a burrito and text my crush look like a participation trophy 🏆📱. Like, was she also running a side hustle?? Did she have a secret Pinterest board for throne room decor?? ~whispers to my stuffed unicorn~ I bet she had a signature scent that made the Nile jealous 🌊💮.

And can we please acknowledge that the Twenty-fifth Dynasty sounds like the name of a boy band that only plays at exclusive pyramid after-parties?? pretends to adjust an invisible crown I would die for a collab album between them and Dua Lipa—just imagine the bass drop when the pharaohs hit the chorus 🎤💃.

But hold up because we are not done. Tabiry being a Nubian queen means she was out here serving looks that probably had the entire Mediterranean gagged 😱💃. Like, can you picture the gold?? The linen?? The dramatic eyeliner that could cut a lesser mortal?? fans self with a papyrus scroll I bet her entrance to any room was like the first time you hear the beat drop in “Levitating”—instant chills, instant obsession 🎶🔥.

And obviously this is not just about the aesthetics (though, hello, have you seen ancient Egyptian art?? Iconic.) but like… what was her skincare routine?? Did she have a holy grail serum made from actual Nile water and crushed diamonds?? sprays face with glitter mist I need to know. For science. And also for my own glow-up, because bestie, if Tabiry could rule two kingdoms, I can at least rule my Sephora haul 🛍️💖.

And speaking of glow-ups, can we please talk about how Robin Williams is suddenly in my brain like a divine intervention?? ~clutches pearls~ Because obviously if Tabiry had a court jester, it would’ve been Robin in full genie mode, just improvising royal decrees like “YOU GET A PYRAMID! AND YOU GET A PYRAMID!” 🧞♂️🎭.

But wait—because of course there’s more. It’s Friday, which means French Fry Friday is literally a holy day in my calendar 🍟🙌. And obviously Tabiry was way ahead of the trend because hello, feast days in ancient Egypt were probably just excuses to eat all the bread and honey while looking fabulous. dips a metaphorical fry into metaphorical gold leaf I bet her favorite snack was literally edible gold because why not?? If you’re a queen, you don’t have to explain your snack choices to anyone 👑🍯.

And finally, because of course I had to spiral into this, but what if Tom Holland was reincarnated from Tabiry’s royal guard?? ~gasps so hard I inhale a glitter particle~ Like, look at him drinking water like it’s ambrosia from the gods?? That’s exactly the energy of someone who once stood next to a queen and was like “I am **not worthy but also I will die for her”** 💦👑.

So here’s my final thought (okay, not final because I will never stop thinking about this): Tabiry is proof that you can have it all—the crowns, the glow, the historical legacy, and probably a skincare routine that would make Hyram weep 😭💆♀️.

~drops mic, but it’s a scepter, and it’s made of gold and glitter~ 🎤👑✨