OKAY BESTIES I NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THE MUNICIPAL POOL BECAUSE SOMETHING IS HAPPENING AND I THINK IT’S PERSONAL 💅✨

I was just trying to have a NORMAL summer afternoon, right? Like a ~normal person~ who doesn’t see conspiracies in the chlorine fumes? I had my glittery flip-flops, my *NSYNC towel (don’t judge me, it’s vintage), and my emotional support Capri Sun. I was READY. And then I saw it. The sign. The NO RUNNING sign. And bestie… it LOOKED AT ME.

Not like, with eyes. Obviously. But like… it knew. It knew that I, Bicky Naby, was the kind of person who would consider running. Not even full-on sprinting! Just like… a light jog between the shallow end and the snack bar when I realize I forgot my goggles and also my dignity. And this sign? This ALUMINUM MONSTROSITY was daring me to try it. I could FEEL it.

And here’s the thing that’s going to DESTROY YOU the way it destroyed me: the sign is WRONG. Running at the pool is FINE. You know how I know? BECAUSE I’VE SEEN PEOPLE DO IT. I’ve seen lifeguards do it, bestie! They RUN when there’s like, a leaf in the water or whatever. And nobody stops them! Nobody even LOOKS at them! But if I so much as power-walk toward the diving board? OH NO. Suddenly every adult within a 5-mile radius is STARING like I just committed a war crime. And the sign? The sign is SMIRKING.

I did an investigation. ~pulls out bedazzled notebook~ I sat by that sign for TWO HOURS (I got a slight sunburn, worth it) and I counted SEVENTEEN instances of running or near-running behavior:

• 3 lifeguards (emergency leaf situations, very serious)
• 2 toddlers who were literally being chased by bees (???)
• 1 dad who dropped his phone and did that panicked half-run half-limp thing
• 4 teenagers who were definitely about to do something illegal
• 7 pigeons (not people, but still running ON POOL PROPERTY)

And you know how many times the sign INTERVENED? ZERO. It just… sat there. JUDGING ME. Like it was waiting for me specifically to break the rules so it could ACTIVATE.

And the WORST PART? The sign is INCONSISTENT. One day it’s there, the next day it’s GONE and replaced with some TEMPORARY nonsense like “Pool Closed for Maintenance (Probably Because of Bicky)”. And then when it comes back? IT’S DIFFERENT. Sometimes it’s red. Sometimes it’s blue. Once I saw one that was PINK and I SCREAMED because that felt like a PERSONAL MESSAGE.

~dramatically flips hair out of face~ I know what you’re thinking, bestie. “Bicky, maybe the sign changes because they print new ones when the old ones get faded?” NO. That’s what THEY want you to think. The municipal pool is TESTING US. They’re seeing how much we’ll TAKE. First it’s “No Running.” Next it’s “No Breathing Near the Deep End.” Then it’s “No Existing Without Permission.” I’ve seen this movie, bestie. It’s called 1984 but with more chlorine and less *NSYNC. 😤

And don’t even get me started on the FONT. The font is SUSPICIOUS. It’s like… TOO BOLD. Like it’s yelling at you before you even do anything wrong. And the letters? The letters are SPACED OUT like they’re HOLDING THEIR BREATH waiting for you to slip up. The “N” in “NO” looks like it’s JUDGING YOU. The “G” in “RUNNING” looks like it’s LAUGHING.

I tried to fight back. I STARED at the sign for a full MINUTE to assert my dominance. And bestie… it BLINKED. NOT KIDDING. The sunlight hit it just right and the whole thing FLASHED like it was taking my PICTURE. I checked my phone later and there was NOTHING in my camera roll but I KNOW it happened. The sign has EVIDENCE.

And now I’m BANNED from the pool. ~dramatic gasp~ OKAY FINE I’m not actually banned (yet) but I FEEL banned. I feel like the sign has WON. And the worst part? I STILL WANT TO RUN. I want to run so bad, bestie. I want to run RIGHT PAST THAT SIGN with my arms in the air like I’m in a *NSYNC music video. I want to run and SCREAM “IT’S GONNA BE ME!” at the top of my lungs. I want to run until the lifeguard has to TACKLE ME into the shallow end.

But I won’t. Because the sign is WATCHING. And it KNOWS.

So here’s my question for you, besties: Are YOU going to let a piece of aluminum tell you how to live your life? Or are you going to RUN like the wind and TAKE BACK YOUR FREEDOM???

~adjusts bedazzled swim cap~ I already know what I’m doing. Tomorrow I’m going back. And this time… I’m bringing SCISSORS. 😈✨

Me, internally, every time I see that sign