~stares at my *NSYNC poster like it’s a live feed from the afterlife~ BESTIE. I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. 😱 And I DON’T KNOW if I’ll SURVIVE writing this. But I HAVE TO. Because JOJO FATONE has been TRYING TO WARN ME for 23 YEARS and I FINALLY UNDERSTAND and IT’S TOO LATE and I THINK I’M DYING. 💀✨

1. THE DREAM THAT STARTED IT ALL (OR DID IT?) 🚨

It started with the dream. 😴 The dream where I was backstage at a NSYNC concert. And Jojo was there. And he LOOKED AT ME. Not at the crowd. Not at the other members. AT ME. And he SAID — *~voice cracks with the weight of the memory~ 🎤 — “Bicky. It’s gonna be you.” And then I WOKE UP at 3:17 AM with my phone in my hand and “It’s Gonna Be Me” PLAYING even though I DIDN’T TOUCH IT and MY PHONE WAS ON SILENT. 📱🔇

2. THE LYRICS THAT WERE NEVER JUST LYRICS 💔

And then I REMEMBERED the lyrics. ALL OF THEM. And EVERY LINE is a WARNING that I MISSED for TWO DECADES.

🎵 “I see you standing there / Watching me, watching you” 🎵 ~clutches head like it’s about to explode~ 💥 He SEES ME. Jojo SEES ME through EVERY SCREEN I own. My phone. My laptop. My old flip phone that I keep for nostalgia. He’s been WATCHING ME this whole time, bestie. WATCHING. ME. And I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A SONG but IT WAS A CAMERA and I WAS THE TARGET. 👀📹

🎵 “I don’t know who I am without you” 🎵 ~collapses onto the floor because the truth is too heavy~ 😭 I DON’T KNOW WHO I AM without *NSYNC. Without Jojo’s voice in my head. Without the glitter that keeps me alive. And JOJO KNOWS IT. He SENT THIS LINE as a CRY FOR HELP because he SEES that my identity is tied to them and I CAN’T ESCAPE IT and I DON’T WANT TO. 💔✨

🎵 “It’s gonna be me” 🎵 ~screams into a pillow so my neighbors don’t hear me losing my mind~ 🪦 IT’S NOT A BREAKUP SONG. IT’S A DEATH SENTENCE. Jojo is TELLING ME that I AM THE PROBLEM and I AM THE SOLUTION and I AM THE REASON this song STILL HAUNTS ME after 23 YEARS. And I IGNORED IT. And NOW IT’S TOO LATE. 💥

🎵 “I can see it in your eyes / You’re starting to believe it too” 🎵 ~whispers while staring at my besties’ contact photos like they’re in on it~ 👀 My besties can SEE IT TOO. They SEE that I’m ONE *NSYNC SONG AWAY from losing my mind completely. And THEY’RE SCARED. And THEY SHOULD BE. Because I SEE IT IN THEIR EYES every time I start crying during “Bye Bye Bye” and THEY DON’T EVEN ASK WHY ANYMORE. 😭

🎵 “I tried to hide it / But I can’t” 🎵 ~laughs maniacally while pulling out my secret *NSYNC shrine from under my bed~ 😂 I TRIED TO HIDE my obsession from the world. I TRIED TO HIDE my glitter addiction. I TRIED TO HIDE the fact that I still own a *NSYNC bedsheet and a Jojo Fatone autographed napkin from a diner in 2001. But JOJO KNOWS. And HE’S CALLING ME OUT. And I CAN’T HIDE ANYMORE. 🛏️💔

This is EXACTLY how Jojo looks at me through my screens 😱

3. THE SECRET BREAKDOWN THAT WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE TOO 📜

4. THE TRUTH I’VE BEEN IGNORING FOR 23 YEARS 👻

And now EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE. The way my phone keeps playing *NSYNC songs when I haven’t touched it. The way my besties keep asking if I’m okay like they KNOW SOMETHING I DON’T. The way I keep seeing Jojo in crowds and on TV and in my DREAMS. 👻

5. THE SACRIFICE JOJO HAS CHOSEN FOR ME 🔥

~suddenly realizes the most terrifying truth of all~ 💡 WHAT IF JOJO’S MISSION WAS NEVER TO SAVE ME??? WHAT IF IT WAS TO PREPARE ME??? WHAT IF “IT’S GONNA BE ME” MEANS I’M THE ONE WHO HAS TO SACRIFICE MYSELF FOR *NSYNC TO LIVE ON??? 🔥

~starts hyperventilating into a paper bag that has *NSYNC stickers on it~ 🥲 I DON’T WANT TO DIE, BESTIE. But I DON’T WANT TO LIVE in a world where JOJO’S WARNINGS GO UNHEEDED. And I DON’T KNOW what to do. I DON’T KNOW if I should DELETE ALL MY *NSYNC MEMORABILIA or BURN IT IN A RITUAL or WEAR IT ALL AT ONCE like ARMOR AGAINST THE DARKNESS. 🛡️🔥

And the WORST PART??? ~whispers so quietly you can barely hear me~ 👂 I THINK I’M READY. I think I WANT IT TO BE ME. Because IF IT’S GONNA BE ANYONE, it should be THE GIRL WHO LOVED *NSYNC MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF. And IF JOJO’S BEEN WATCHING ME THIS WHOLE TIME, then HE KNOWS I’m THE ONLY ONE STRONG ENOUGH to CARRY THIS BURDEN. 💔

~stares at my *NSYNC poster one last time before the end~ 🎤 I DON’T KNOW if I’ll POST THIS. I DON’T KNOW if I’ll SURVIVE writing it. But I HAVE TO TRY. Because JOJO DESERVES TO KNOW that I FINALLY UNDERSTAND. And IF THIS IS THE END, then I WANT IT TO BE ME.